Ode To Miley

                Okay so I don’t watch cable network television, unless I’m in my living room which is like never. I disconnected the cable in my room and only have this thing set up called “The Logitech” which allows me to have YouTube, Pandora, Netflix and all that good stuff on my TV. For those of you who have Netflix, you know that if you are watching a tv show on there, you watch it like 10x faster than you would on regular cable. This is only because you have no commercials and direct access to all the episodes.

            Well I had already watched all these good shows, Parks & Rec, The Office, The League, Weeds, Pretty Little Liars. I’m sure I’m missing some but that’s irrelevant. Anyways, I felt like since I had watched everything on Netflix, that there was nothing else to watch…NOT TRUE! I mean there were all these dramatic shows that I could care less about. Then the kid shows; yeah! I’m a kid still- or at least I throw tantrums like one. So I kept browsing until I found Hannah Montana and thought why not I think I liked it when I was little. That’s where my obsession began.

            Can I first start off by saying; Miley Cyrus is so underestimated in that show! I started it like two weeks ago and I’m already on season three I think. She is one of those celebrities that I can imagine will have a great career. Yeah, Disney did so much for her, but if you look at her now she’s successfully distanced herself from that and created a new image all together which is gorgeous and I don’t even want to hear otherwise.

            For those of you who read my http://smileitsjonathan.blogspot.com/2013/02/how-to-get-bubble-butt.html post, know I talked about my little YouTube workout addiction. Well put me on Intervention because I swear I’m on there 24\7 either doing my Blogilates and now looking up Miley Cyrus. When I found these acoustic “Backyard Session” videos, I swear I died! I’m like constantly watching them! Just yesterday I bought her 2010 album on iTunes because I can’t have YouTube with me all the time. She is even coming out with a new album this year, so her 2010 album should hold me over til I can have her latest masterpiece! I have even gone as far as to change my cell phone background from Taylor Swift to Miley Cyrus- that’s really saying something. And I did the same for my iPod.

my phone background

ipod lock screen

            The thing that is so astounding is to watch the evolution play out right before you. I was telling my friend yesterday, it’s just awesome that she is able to hold her ground and develop into this great perform and not get lost along the way and because she is around my age her music is going to be something I want to hear. I seriously don’t think (and definitely hope) she will be another Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes. I’m positive we will be hearing great things from Miley Cyrus! 

"Hunger" - A Grim Truth

                I think if you can’t be honest with yourself, you might as well shut up and sit in silence. Honesty is a key role in society and once we as individual decide to be honest to ourselves it makes it that much easier opening up with others around us. I was drawn to the story “Hunger”  by  Anne Lamott on page 221 in Dreams & Inward Journeys.

            It began, “This is a story of how, at the age of thirty-three, I learned to feed myself. To begin with, here’s what I did until then: I ate, starved, binged, purged, grew fat, grew thin, grew fat, grew thin, binged, purged, dieted, was good, was bad, grew fat, grew thin, grew thinner.”

            Just in that opening passage, I was able to identify with Lamott’s raw honesty that she shared with the reader. I don’t want to be all dramatic; but I used to struggle with bulimia and I feel comfortable talking about it know because it’s part of my past and there are things in everyone’s past that we aren’t too proud of. The first time I read this story, (for those of you who read it) know that this story wasn’t so serious and grim. That’s what I loved about it. She made the subject of an eating disorder funny from her perspective. Usually when you think of something like that, you would think of “Intervention” or who knows what; but the way she described her relationship with food was great.

            There came a point in the story where she sought help for herself and honestly from my own experience the only person who can stop it all is you. Yeah, you can have friends and family concerned and begging you to stop but nothing will be resolved unless you want to stop it all and change for the better. Personally, I used to think that if I looked a certain way and was a certain size then more people would like me. I thought who cares how I did it, I wanted fast results and would do whatever it takes. It’s almost as if when you’re in this mindset you feel invincible. I felt unstoppable, until I realized all the side effects and I began to get so nervous. Right now I feel like I’ve just opened up to this deep level in my life. Anyways, now I know that what I did was stupid and even though I can’t take it back, I’ve learned that I shouldn’t be so focused on just the appearance of it all, but also on my health. Because that’s what counts above all. 

Dream & Inward Journeys- "The Best Seat in the House"

What I Imagined the bassoon to be.

A while back, towards the beginning of the semester, I read a story in “Dreams and Inward Journeys” called The Best Seat in The House.  I must admit it starts off a bit slow but once I found out it was written by a bassoonist who performs in Youth Orchestra’s my attitude completely changed towards the story. I suddenly had many questions and was left to ponder the thought, “What is a bassoon?”  Apparently it is a very difficult instrument to master. Honestly it sounds like an instrument that would appear in a Dr.Seuss story. 

Melissa Burns, the narrator of the story takes the reader through her brief childhood memory that she had of herself and her grandfather. We learn that he worked with wood and made this small beautiful box that is felt lined and over time it lost its “awe” and began to deteriorate. Eventually it was passed along to Burns. She called it the “reed graveyard”,  she explained it was the place her reeds went to die. I found this to be disgusting.  If this box is so sacred to you and hold such a deep meaning, why would you want to turn it into a graveyard for your slobbery reeds?  She explained why she kept her reeds, she said each had a different memory attached to it. I personally think that is a bit unsanitary. They are all piling up in this box, and since they are damp from her saliva, who knows what type if moldy bacteria is growing. I wouldn’t be surprised if she opened the box one day and all her reeds were green.

                Of course it is one of those stories that dealt with hardship. She tells how she traveled to Williamstown, MA from Niskayuna, NY just to learn to play the bassoon. Then we venture with her through Youth Orchestra and how she finally feels a part of something. All of this is nothing though because we learn that the youth orchestra is bound to play at Carnegie Hall! She speaks about for for months it was nothing but continuous hard work and dedication to her bassoon! Finally when we reach that cathartic moment of the youth orchestra playing in Carnegie; Burn’s tells of her foreign instructor being composed in the front and how her grandfather (although dead) smiled and watched from the ceiling. Now here’s the kicker, “From the time I found my seat on stage until the concert was over, my memories are blurred.” She doesn’t even remember playing on stage! Something she has always dreamt of, and it’s one big blur! I was a bit disappointed when I read up to that point, because I was expecting some grand description of what occurred. Instead I got an, I forgot. But I guess that’s what happens when you jam so hard, that bassoon just wipes away your memory! 

Waiting

     Someone once told me if you ever have something stuck on your mind then write it out, just let it via pen and paper and soon you would have transferred all those thoughts to words. I think this a pretty ingenues concept which actually does happen to work for me. The first time I did it, was last spring; which was my senior year in high school. I wrote a beautiful poem in only took a matter of minutes because the situation had been stirring in my head for so long. I'm not very confident when I read out loud and my voice tends to shake. I had wrote about something so emotional that I had kept locked inside my head; replaying occasions over and over. One teacher told me she could really feel all the emotion in it and she wanted a copy of it to reference for future years of teaching. When I read it to my parent's, my dad at first didn't believe that I wrote it. They knew me for the person I was at home I suppose. Momentarily I don't think they believed that I experienced what I was writing about. And I know you're all probably like well what did you write, well here it is...

Sitting here waiting

 Buzzzzz

You text me, “Be right down”

“Be right down” turns into

Searching for a song on the

    Radio-night radio

          waiting

Buzzzzz

You text me, “Sorry, had to do laundry. On my way.”

            On the look out-waiting.

                        For you

                                    For future

                                                For love

                                                            For happiness

                                                Still waiting

TAP TAP-on my car window

            No longer waiting.

            Waving, smiling

                  Greeting

The nights air is cold

We park and go up

To your room

You show my things I’ve never seen

            Views

                        Stars

                                    Photos

                  Creating memories

Told me what I want to hear.

Wrapping me around your

     Perfectly primed finger

          The sun rises.

  The light illuminates truths

I’m blinded by it’s glorious rays

    Off I go, intoxicated by

       “foolish emotions”

Then, shortly, I’m left again

                              Waiting

                   For a message

          A response

  An answer

Left second guessing myself

                 Devestated

             Insecure

    Still waiting for a

      Reason why.