I’m beginning to learn what an excuse is; “I might be
working.” “I have other plans.” There these stories people come up with too
wiggle their way out of a situation they don’t want to be in, “I’m sick.” A
co-worker told me, “It’s something a coward uses when they are too afraid to
confront you with the truth, because they fear it will hurt your feelings.”
Whereas, when you lie, it’s pretty basic, “I miss you too!” “I’m sick.” “I’ll
get back to you.” They probably won’t get back to you, probably aren’t sick,
and are only telling you they miss you too because it’s easier to do then
saying “I’ve enjoyed not talking to you!”
The
bullshit you’re being fed is candy coated therefore making it appear harmless. You want to believe what your being told and not second guess it. But how many “I’ll
get back to you’s” can you withstand
until you finally realize-“ Uhhhh no you won’t! You never did before so why
would you now? Seriously what makes this time any different?” Yet you reach for
your phone…just in case. But I think deep down you know the only way you’re
ever going to talk to him is if you text him first.
So why
does this happen? Why are we so attracted to the things that hurt us? Is it
because we are drawn in to something we know we can’t have yet desire with all
our might? And it’s so difficult because you try hard- so damn hard to get his
attention. You’ve changed your appearance, workout more, always try and look
your best, but it seems to go unnoticed. There is only so much that can be
changed until you have lost yourself.
Okay
fine, “I’ll ignore him, totally forget about him.” you think. But it’s so difficult because now that you
two aren’t talking he seems to be the only thing that lingers on your mind, and
you can’t help but think, “He makes not caring look so easy! I bet he doesn’t
even miss me. I hate him so much. I just hate him!” You begin to wonder what
you did wrong and if there is anything you could have done differently.
Days
pass, and it gets easier once you get on with your routine- then one day you
find yourself forgetting to think about him. Your confidence is soaring back to
you and that big smile is opening up. “Honestly I miss him, but I’m over it.”
You work out harder than before, and try to keep your mind away from social
media and your hands off your phone. Then for the one second you stop thinking
about him, he pops up again and there he is on your phone, the evil notification
that your dreading to open. It hits you, “well obviously you aren’t dead, and
your phone isn’t broken, because you have the ability to like things I post.
You just never got back to me, you didn’t miss me. You just didn’t reply. You
kept me holding on, waiting- hoping you would but you never did! And for weeks
I felt so stupid and desperate…” Then your mind came back from its imaginary
rant, and you remember what you learned from a former teacher, “Just because
someone walks out of your life doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing, and you can’t
dwell on the negative. You just need to think of it as one door closing and
soon an even better one will open.”
So
although you know he will never get back to you, you’re okay with it, because it’s
just how he softens the blow. And even though it’s taken time to realize these
excuses- you find it easier now to deal
with, because you no longer need to hold on and wait for the day that he might “get
back to you”.
