Big Brother

Every individual, when broken down to their finest form, is composed of the same anatomy. Five senses: sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell. We each contain a heart that beats at different speeds; some thump and bump rapidly while others hold a slow monotonous pace. Then there are others that cease all together. But perhaps it only stops for a short moment in time—due to heartbreak. You aren’t dead but you don’t feel alive anymore.  All you do is exist; you go through the most difficult motions of life while others proceed to pass you by.  And although we can’t control anyone’s behavior, we can control how we decide to react.  So perhaps we aren’t all composed of the same anatomy. There are people in the world who are blind, deaf, missing limbs, special needs, black, white, purple, orange…whatever. The point is, when it comes to basic appearances it is obvious that we are all different. Yet, we all have simple emotions. Each of us have those “buttons”, and when pushed they tend to set us off (whether it make us sad, angry, annoyed or embarrassed), we all have these triggers. 

                On St. Patrick’s Day my family sat out on the patio to enjoy the nice weather and our newly revamped backyard. There were lights that dimly shown upon the food as we all indulged.  I always figure, we are either very hungry or the food is very good if the conversation is kept to a minimum.  That night it was me doing a lot of talking and eating, partly because I was extremely hungry and also because I can’t stand unnecessary silence! When the meal came to an end, we all began to banter about different things from the past, to what we having going on in the upcoming week. I grabbed some things that were set upon the patio table and brought them to the kitchen then came back. It was just my mom, brother and myself for the moment, and my brother turned to my mom and said, “So when do you think I can get my drivers license? You know how much I love classic cars.” He was neither begging or pleading he just seemed to state something that had been on his mind.

                My mom replied, “Sweetie, you won’t be able to get your drivers license because you have uncontrolled seizures.”

                “Yeah but I really want it!”

                “What would happen if you were driving and you had a seizure? That would cause a big accident. Maybe we can talk to dad about getting a classic car to drive you around in.”

my brother Josh & his girlfriend Diane

                My older brother was 23, he’ll be 24 in July, yet he has the mental capacity of about an eight year old. At times it can be very difficult having an older brother with special needs. I have always wondered how my sister was able to get along with him with such ease, while him and I do nothing but fight. There are days where we get along, and I think as I have gotten older I’ve become more understanding of it all. But somehow it scares me; when my parents, “What’s going to happen to him when we aren’t there anymore?”  My mom has told me I need to be so grateful for what I have, because I have a brother that will never be able to drive, get married, live on his own or go to college.

                Maybe he won’t be able to do any of those things, but he’s made so much progress from what I can remember.  He’s making his own bed now, and being a bit more independent when he gets dressed. Perhaps he can’t drive, but he is learning to play the guitar which he has loved to do for as long as I can remember. He sings the blues like he is B.B. King or any famous Blues singer. And although I don’t know a hell of a lot about bowling, he comes home saying how well he did.

He isn’t your typical big brother and I know he never will be. There are days where he annoys me, makes me laugh and even proud. He’s my family, my “big brother”, and I’ll always love him.